“Review: The Latest Book by Anne Coulter” (warning: political commentary ahead)

Anne Coulter’s latest tome, “I’m Going to Kill Michael Moore’s Children”, is radically right leaning, provocative and as saucy as La Coulter herself. The diva of the far right hasn’t written anything since 2002’s “I Hope Chelsea Clinton Gets Cancer”, but we clearly can see she’s been honing her rage in the last few years.

Right out the gate, a special dedication to Mel Gibson (and interestingly, Michael Lohan), sets the tone for the book, which includes a prologue that paints Darwin as a gay abortionist who created the theory of evolution to detract attention from his underage anal rape parties.

Yet the reader who expects more reactionary rants and crackpot right wing theories from Coulter will be disappointed. After a few perfunctory pages of Holocaust denial, racist diatribes and interment camp fantasy scenarios, Coulter gets down to the real business of her masterwork – describing, in shockingly graphic detail, how she plans to personally murder the pillars of the secular Liberal establishment.

Poignantly, Ms. Coulter first reveals a bit of her own personal struggles between her ideological theories, and here we can at least be a bit sympathetic to her. For example, did you know that Anne suffers from a rare disorder that requires her to devour the blood of Democratic children every full moon in order to survive the night? Or that she is often overcome by the uncontrollable urge to don Nazi jack boots and stomp upon little puppies, a malady only partially controlled by medication?

This helps set the stage for book’s title theme, explored in detail in a chapter by the same name. Apparently, Michael Moore and other secular liberals are the core of evil, thus their spawn must be destroyed. With this rationale out of the way, Coulter is then free to describe how she will perform the murders, filling pages with highly technical explanations of sophisticated weaponry (all available at Wal-Mart), internal organ destruction, burial plans, etc. I understand that it took many weeks to complete this chapter, as Coulter was quickly seized with a series of violent orgasms each time she sat down to write it.

Readers should be warned that the most graphic explanations are reserved for the Al Franken killing scenarios, supported by detailed timelines, diagrams, and elaborate body disposal explanations. If you learn nothing else from this smart, sassy tome, you’ll at least have full knowledge of Franken’s daily schedule, home address, phone number, e-mail, and burglar alarm disable codes. One can only hope that the use of wood chippers and straight edged razors on human flesh will not splatter or otherwise sully the flawlessly blonde Coulter mane which we all know and love.